Events

Sunday Afternoon

Heckle our resident pianist whilst enjoying a better roast than your own mum’s - Booking advisable.

Weekly Charity night in Eskimo.

Hoylake Wild Bird Appreciation “fun” run, in aid of the ESHF. This event has made front page press in previous years, and it’s odds on to make the front page of the Globe this year yet again! Knocking “Swazie-the-wheelchair-moustacheod-warrior” off the front of the much loved Rag yet again!! (Don’t sue the ponies!)
The event raises funds for the much in need ESHF every year, and involves birds of all categories, breeds and ages across the peninsular!
It’s basically like the “Krypton Factor” (remember that?!) for birds: event starts every Friday and Saturday evening and comprises the following “heats”.

> 1: entry level: judged on appearance, stature, figure and basic head turning ability. Movement across even and uneven surfaces in heals/ boots closely observed by numerous, imbibing judges.

> 2: posture whilst attracting prey: in this round birds are judged on their prowess of holding the necessary tools to attract their prey. Namely “little finger out whilst drinking”, raising a healed foot ever so slightly whilst greeting potential prey with an affectionate yet reserved “kiss de la cheek”, and most importantly attracting the suitable prey with “the eyes” and distracting the unsuitable prey with the “rolling eyes”.

> 3: Contact: in this round the Bird must manage to withstand the chosen preys choice of conversation, this can be as diverse a subject as Top Gear all the way through the spectrum to Auto Trader, and there’s always the trick quick fire round of “my ex made me a depressive compulsive intense manipulative possessive maniac- can I keep a strand of your hair even if we decide not to see each other again?”. Only the most hardy of birds will make it through this round before having doubts as to whether they should have actually finished with their stock broker boyfriend of 5 years, and gone off with the local “hot Hatch” driving asbo boy…..for excitement.

> 4: sealing the deal: this is the deal maker-breaker: from here the bird can reasonably expect to be making a pretty decent “nest” if the final and fourth round goes well. Picture the scene…….. the prey is under “the magic”, he’s shelled out for six rounds of “The Atkinson” (see champagne cocktails) and he’s making up stories of having a VIP box not only at Goodison Park (that’s Everton ladies) but Anfield too! (Liverpool, come on, catch up). Indeed his yacht is moored in San Tropez and ready to whisk said “bird” to Monaco for a wild Red or Black Roulette weekend, if the Bird gives just enough but not too much in this round, the deal is done! And remember ladies, eskimo encourages a pro active “less is more” policy in everything “charitable”. So make out like you know the game, but never play it, until you’ve already mentally won it, and be tenacious ladies, it pays. That, is the game. Now buy a ****ing drink whilst you wait for the “Atkinsons” to start coming your way.

Sunday – Tuesday Nights
Hospitality Nights

Laidback Tunes, The Best Drinks, nicest people and 15% Discount!
+ 2 for 1 on selected bottles!

Ask your Bartender for tonight’s specials. Don’t forget your hospitality Night V.I.P Cards

Thursdays
Ladies Night

15% off All Cocktails if you’ve long hair and fluttery eyelashes.
No extra discount for Drag Queens.

Fridays & Saturdays
Business as Usual

Hoylakes ‘Select’ be early if you want to get a table. You can reserve a Booth, just call to book one. The Best cocktails, Smoothest Tunes & Nicest People come together to make Eskimo what it is today!